One Big step...

I was talking to one my closest friends, Bethany, on the phone last night:

Bethany: "Anyways, Is acting what you want to do with your life?"

Me: "Totally! I know it's my calling!"

Bethany: "That's awesome! So, where you gonna go?"

Me:"go where?"

Bethany: "To college? Have you thought about where you want to go?"

I cringed and said "I don't know." and changed the subject.

ugg.

I'm running from it. I'm running from the fact that I have to put on my big girl pants and go out in the world. It's a little uncomfortable for me to talk about where I want to go because I want to scream, "IM NOT READY FOR THIS!" But the truth punched me in the face last night when Bethany and I were unsuccessfully talking about the future. The future. It's scary to most of us because it's the unknown. And like most humans I like to know things.

Going to school and leaving everyone behind and moving forward can sometimes be a difficult thing to grasp and take hold of. Don't get me wrong, there are those days where I say, "HECK YES! WOO!" but then when you think about all the planning, responsibilities, and choices that you have to make on your own, it is well...kind of terrifying.

The problem is, I don't know what I want. I'm still young and I'm not ready to grow up! Yes. acting, is what I want. That's the one thing I know but, everything else is up in the air. I.have.no.earthly.clue. I will never figure that out though, if I don't search, try, and listen. Going to visit collages would be the first big step for me, but still it's something I put in the back of my head or dismiss it.

But, this is life and we all cant be Peter Pan and never grow up. We all have to if we want to do the best in life. It's time I actually think about this and pray about it.

Big Sigh.

One step for me, one big step for the future.

New feeling

I decided. Yes I have decided. Well as you can see I am keeping my blog ( : but thats not the deciding I was talking about. I decided that this year is going to be fun.

This is year is going to be more about how many times i laughed than how many times i had a bad day. NO MORE.

I am going to have fun and hang out with the people that make me laugh! I am going to have a good year. A memorable year! I can feel it! Its a new fresh feeling!

Ahh....the rest of junior year.

here.I.come.

hmm...

So,

This always happens to me. I don't know why but, it just does. I feel like totally ending my blog right now. I mean it's like, I am only ranting and I mean the stuff on here isn't that much worth reading. I don't really have much else to say that I would want to write on my blog. Not inspired, not feeling it, not doing it. So I am deciding. Just letting you people know.

Sigh.

decision, decisions...

Oh Facebook(and the people who are on it)...

It's official-every teenager spends way too much time...on Facebook. Socializing has become more than just small talk. It's called "stalker 101" and no, don't lie-we all do it! But you see, when people put pictures up on Facebook...they obviously want you to see them. DUH! So I am just doing what they want me to do-which is look at their pictures!

butttttt...(of course haha) There are some things on Facebook that annoy the crap out of me.

So allow me to tell you :) haha

1. Those little side things that say "write on their wall" or "do you know this person?": No I don't want to write on their wall and if I did I WOULD! and ok, Facebook what makes you think I know some 40 year old mexican that lives in Canada? How they came up with that is beyond me.haha

2. the thing that says "what's on your mind?": yeah because I am really going to plaster everyone's news feed with my thoughts and feelings. I am beginning to think they want people to stalk you-like that was their goal all along. sneaky Facebook...real sneaky.

3. Facebook chats. You really need, and I mean exceedingly-need to work on your chats: This is where I really think they want you to become stalkers. They are lame on the chats so it makes you have to convert to writing on their wall....where everyone can see. *rolls eyes* So much for a social site.not.

4. Ok...why is there a like button for YOUR status-as in why are you able to like your own status???: That is kind of egoistic. Oh you are so cool-likin your status! WOOHOO. Really? don't flatter yourself. haha. Yeah, facebook good job-making the world a more vain place one like at a time.

5. This isn't Facebook's fault but it's so annoying when people say "new pictures! Comment!!!!!! heart :) :D" : did you really just make that your status? like, your joking right? That is no way to get a compliment! If anything, that makes people not want to do that or compliment your pictures out of pity because they realize how insecure you are! Plus, you really don't need someone complimenting your pictures every single day-the best ones are in person.

6. Again, with the people on facebook, Profile picture comments: "aww so cute! You are gorgeous :) " " EW I hate this picture! I am not pretty at all!!".... : Um...hello? Is there a brain up there?? WHY IS IT YOUR PROFILE PICTURE THEN???? If you don't like it, then you don't put it as your profile picture-the first picture people see. common sense DUH! That is seriously so annoying. I want to be like "ok." or "yeah." and then wish I could see their face when they saw my comment because they were expecting me to say, "aww no! You are so gorgeous!!" haha just say thank you and get over yourself.

7. "It's Facebook official": Why is it that just because you saw it on facebook it makes you think you know everything about it? Didn't your parents teach you to not believe everything that is on the internet? Do you know how many people screw around on that? Heck, everyone is married to their best friend on Facebook! haha. Don't think you know the whole story just because you saw one line or two on Facebook. Again though, it's called Facebook not "Put-everything-I am-thinking-and-talk-about-everything-just-like-it's-my-diary book". So if you don't want everyone knowing about your personal life, don't put it on facebook. It's the basics of stalking.

8. "Full name initial Heart I love him/her" statuses: You are what 13? please-just because you think you are in love with him or her does not mean you have to make it part of your status every single time. I am always caught off guard when I read "I broke my arm :( and I had to get a cast! heart P.R.T!!" (fyi: not a real name ) I am like what the heck?? is that on your cast or something? Did you mean to write R.I.P??? It's crazy! You can say it once,if that, it's still a bit annoying but please keep your hormonal issues to yourself.

9. Your name: "name IHATEMYLIFE last name" : um...what? I am sorry but I don't know anyone with that name! *delete* hahaha and you wonder why....well maybe you should actually put your real name on facebook! what are we 6? and you hate your life? really? really? yeah, ok Mr. Mood Swing. we will see in about a week how you feel about life.

10. Last but not least- you are in 5th grade and it says you were born in "1995": There is a reason for why you are too young to be on Facebook. cough cough-stalker zone-cough cough. We all know your are like 10 so go back to Webkinz.com!! and you can't fool us with the whole " I look young for my age" yeah,that doesn't work.

well there you have it! Those are the things about facebook that can get real annoying. I hope this was at least a tad entertaining to read haha!

ps. I really need a life haha. Im posting about facebook now! WHAT HAVE I COME TO??

My friends are my friends...

My friends mean a lot to me and I value them very much. Which means I can become very protective of them. Which is basically it. Defensive.

I get defensive when I over hear someone talking about one of my friends or if I find out someone is being a total jerk to them. Thats when I get mad and feel like totally hurting the person who did it and I always try and defend my friends because I know I would want them to do the same for me.

I will stick up for them and I will not just pretend like something isn't happening cause that's a crappy friend when you act like someone isn't saying crap about them. Yes, eyes will be on you when you stand up for someone but if you dont then you arent being a friend-you are just "playing cool" and frankly that's far from cool. Friends are friends- there is no in between. You either are their friend or not.

Believe me though, sometimes I wish we could all get along but there comes a time when you must realize that they are your friends and so you need to be a true friend to them no matter how many times they mess up or hurt you. You should be the good friend and stick up for them.

My friends are valuable to me and are so flippin amazing so don't mess with them. Don't waste your time.

Teenager...

Why does(almost) every adult in the whole entire universe assume that every teenager is some little demon who only Goes around causing trouble?

They assume that every teenager is having sex, drinking, and/or doing some sort of drug.They all think we are like that. Craziness.

Labeled without even been given a chance to prove ourselves!

Well guess what?? All of you adults were teenagers too! NEWS FLASH!

It's crazy how they get some kind of messed up theory that every teenager is born intoxicated! Just because you were going around being sneaky with multiple boys does not mean all of us are!

Ok, so maybe now a days ( in this corrupt world we live in) the majority of teenagers being rebellious is quite high but that isn't my point. Haha.

Yes, we all make mistakes but we have our own thoughts and opinions too! Sure, we haven't been in this world as long as you have but, we aren't exactly living under a rock either. We aren't oblivious( though I can't say that for EVERY teenager haha) and yes we know mom and dad know better than us even though sometimes we feel like strangling them...

As you can see, If you have been following my blog, that I have a hard time with being labeled, who doesn't??? I don't think anybody has the right to look down upon us because we are young or because there is some stereo type for teenagers.

I'm not just a teenager. We are much more than that.

When I was little...

Being little…a memory most people wish to go back on. Though we might not remember that much because we were, in-fact, little. Still, it’s a nice thing to think of.

When I was little all I had to worry about was what I was going to play that day; that was the only thing I had to decide. What movie to watch or what video game-simple and fun stuff was all but only my responsibility.

When I was little I only had to pick which kind of drink I wanted with my lunch or what snack to munch on later.

When I was little the only scar was made on your elbow or knee. When I was little…goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

When I was little I didn’t care how I looked or worried about who was really my friend.

When I was little boys were only to chase on the playground and the only guy in my life was my dad.

When I was little I only had to say my prayers before bed; not saying my science notes out loud to myself.

When I was little I only dreamed about today…

No worries. Now I am growing up aren’t I? the Legos and Barbie dolls are stored away and play dress up toys are replaced with a desk with papers and eraser debris sprinkled around. Where my bows are replaced with make up everywhere and a hair dryer. Where my little girl clothes are replaced with boots and flats. Where my no worries are replaced with responsibilities.

Being little seems like such a fairytale…and we all couldn’t wait to grow up…

Better left unsaid...

There are many things I'd like to tell people.

Some really awesome things, some not so nice things, and some just little things.

No matter what it is, I always end up keeping it to myself; all bottled up in my head. Some may say, "Why do you do that?" but I guess I feel like some thing are better left unheard.

Don't get me wrong, there are days I just want to get in their face and say it. but...I don't. It's frustrating and aggravating! You would think I'd be good at telling people how it is or how I really feel but I DON'T. I can see it happening in my head and then I say to my self "No, don't do that. You will just look stupid or cause more drama."

Another reason of why I don't is because, I can't hold a grudge for more than an hour (prob. even less). Yeah. Great. wonderful-woohoo. yeah, no. You may think it is fine and dandy that I am able to do that but, there comes a point where I feel like screaming "NO MORE!" I don't like people running over me like an old carpet that says "welcome".

I always say, "No, you are not doing this again. You are going to stand up for yourself and tell them you can't be their friend!" Like that changes anything. *rolls eyes* I may be all high and mighty then but you wait a good 30 min and I'll say, "It's all good-no biggy." As you can see, I get very annoyed with myself sometimes.

I mean, sometimes I think it's good that I can-I live a more peaceful life but that doesn't mean it doesn't go away-it's all still there inside of me. I do think some things really don't need to be said and some things you do need to keep to yourself because it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. I suppose this is what this blog is for- my feelings and thoughts but I guess what I am trying to say is that I am trying to figure out (and learn) that either things need to be said or if-

they are better left unsaid...

"These are a few of my favorite things!"...

I like chocolate, but not just any chocolate-DARK chocolate

I like fall and the colors the leaves turn....and the fresh air

I like hugs...hugs are always great but not the crappy side ones- a real hug.

I like to laugh....ok I love to laugh....a day without laughter is a day wasted.

I like letters and notes written to me...sometimes I think that's the best way to say things

I like ice cream...it can always put me in a good mood :)

I like movies...so much i want to be in them...action and cute love stories are my fav :)

I like being around people...people i have so much fun with

I like upbeat music and songs with great lyrics

I like to travel...experience is the best way to learn i think

I like to read...i could read all night and never put the book down

I like to act....it's my passion

I like it when people talk to me first...I dont know...it makes me think they really do want to talk to me

I like the warmth of the sun, the feeling you get when your in an awesome mood, a cold soda, a good song, and thinking back to the awesome memories I have.

I like my life...no matter what ups and downs come along :)

The best love story...

This is going to sound crazy but,

I wish Jesus didn’t have to die!

WHAT?!?!?! Gasp!

CHILL. I will explain myself- Of course.

You see I am so thankful and grateful that He did that and I feel so honored and yes i know He rose again but I got to ask myself: Why me? Why did someone SO completely beyond perfect die for me? For us?

I don’t feel worthy enough of that! I mean the Son of God coming down and killing Himself for me! Going through all that horrible pain for us! I wish there was another way so God didn’t have to send His Son to be killed. I know, I know there isn’t another way. I am not crazy. I just don’t feel good enough for that.

Truth? I am not-we aren’t. But He loves us SOOOO FLIPPIN much that He would do that. It was like an everlasting love letter to all of us. God saying we were to die for. Crazy isn’t? it just blows my mind sometimes! Because I am just like “AGGG I don’t deserve this!” Then other times I am so thankful and happy that He did. I want to scream and go crazy!

I just think it is amazing and the best love story anyone could ever tell. THE BEST. It’s a love letter to you and you and you…and me!

And I couldn’t be more honored! No boy could ever out beat this! Not even close!

not everyone likes someone...

“everyone always likes someone.”

Hm. I would have to disagree with that. I don’t like anyone-honest. I know, I know, crazy right? I mean I usually do! But nope! No crushes no….nothing. Depressing? Maybe, but in a way its nice.

The pressure of liking someone at this age is kind of wild-who do you like? Does he or she like you? Why do you like them? Question after question is made when you tell them who you like at that time and even before you tell them there is more pressure- please tell me! I promise to keep it a secret! You love me, so tell me! COME ON PLEASEEEEEEE!!!!

It almost becomes unbearable.

Lucky for me though, all I have to say is “no.” Because truth is…I don’t like anyone! Sometimes it can be a litte boring but other times it is actually kind of nice. Less drama can always put you in a brighter mood!

I mean you could always lie and say “no”, even when you do but…as I said before the truth always comes out. That also means that (sometimes) although your close buddy may keep it a secret for a little while …the truth will be out and your crush will know. AWKWARD.

Anyways, I think it really is possible not to like anyone; whether it is because you’re not worried about it or there is no guy or girl to really like. Fewer choices can keep you from liking someone-(or becoming desperate, but that’s another time, another blog post. haha )

So, false. Not everyone has to be liking someone. Don’t be worried about liking someone or who likes you! Enjoy the single life! You might see life a little differently when you aren't so caught up in the “who-likes-who world” haha!

truth...

In high school you are almost guaranteed drama. It is just the way it works! Why we all cant get along is beyond me! Maybe because it makes school not as boring or maybe we all just haven’t figured out who we are and we all just need to grow up.

ONE (because there are many) of the worst feelings to get is when you find out someone has been lying to you the whole time and you end up looking like the fish who fell for the bate on the fishing hook! Everything they told you is a complete lie no matter how you sliced it. Don’t you just want to hit yourself with something and say “WOW STUPID!” ? I do.

Sometimes I wish I would find out if things were true or not before I just hop onto the naive train. I hate it when I find out someone lies to me. They lost my trust and now I have to question everything they say. That doesn’t sound like a good friendship to me.

Friends have each others back no matter what and are always real with you . Their not a true friend if you only find them lying to you. It’s even worse when they tell you things people are saying about you-and its COMPLETELY not true! All along you feel like crap and your self esteem goes to a low point. Maybe their just trying to not loose you or they just want you to be their friend but when it all comes down to it-the truth comes out. When that happens everything blows up and you possibly loose a friendship.

We all hate being lied to-that’s just a fact, but we can decide who is and who isn’t your true friend. True friends- even the name has the truth in it.

Just an Idea...

High school is a crazy ride and sometimes people would like to see the real legit stuff that happens in it. So I have decided to have a new blogg called "Letters out of high school" they aren't made up and they are from real people who wrote about what they are really feeling. I did not write any of them and if I do I will write "sincerely me" or my name got it? alright! :)