Sucks...

I'm so lost in everything. Ugg.

3 words.

High.School.Sucks.

basically...

*sigh* *BIG sigh*

:'(

Blogging ain't easy...

Blogging is not an easy thing to do.

At first it's addicting and you have plenty of things to write about. Your advice, stories, problems, quotes, and so on. At first it's easy because maybe one person follows you. At first it's simple because you can write about whatever you feel like. As time goes on though, you may realize the tough job in blogging that you had so willingly volunteered yourself for.

Blogging may seem easy and fun but don't be fooled by the pretty personalized backgrounds and the interesting photos; It's tough. Post to post you have to decide what you will write based on your viewers. Even though it's YOUR blog you still want the satisfaction of people actually enjoying it. What will they think? How will they see it through their eyes? Does this actually make sense? A bunch of questions coming to your mind as you start to type a new post.

Another thing is the more people that follow you the less you can actually share your feelings on the blog. Like talking about certain things or your opinions on other topics. Some things you just can't write about because you don't want that person to know about it. It's A LOT of pressure no matter how you see it. One post could change someone's opinion of you and even though I say all the time about how you shouldn't care what people think, you don't want to be labeled.

Keeping up with it is a WHOLE other story. Life gets busy. And sometimes you just don't have the time to sit down and think of what you should blog about. Another thing is WHAT DO I WRITE ABOUT????? When it seems as though your life may be relatively uneventful it's hard to think of something actually worth posting to your viewers.

Blogging is a tough hobby. Many people call it quits because they just can't deal with it anymore. Not that I blame them, I actually understand because hey, I've deleted a couple of mine but if you keep focused and work it right you can successfully make it through blogging!

It might turn out to be a very good thing to have! :)

But God's word says...

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you," -Matthew 5: 43-44

Yeah....I am well. Let's just say not to hot at that verse. In fact, tonight I was talking about how much I hate that verse. Why? because has to be one of the most frustrating, challenging, verses ever in the bible. I certainly don't want to love my enemies....thats why they are my enemies!!! It's so much easier to be mean right back at them! To stab them when they stab me. BUT GOD'S WORD SAYS, to love your enemies and pray for them. Or as I like to say, Kill them with kindness.

I wouldn't be all buddy-buddy with them or tell them all your deepest darkest secrets but I would hold back saying something when they say something rude to me or do something when they do something horrible to me. At the end of the day you gained nothing and where does it get you? deeper into a hole of stress.

This week I am really going to try to remember the 4 important words PastorFurtick gave me this sunday, But.God's.Word.Says. In the english language , the word "but" cancels out with what you said before it and replaces it with what you said after it. So I try to remember that when I start complaining about something stupid. Cause His Word has the highest authority! And He should be my priority!

Learning...

I'm learning.

I'm learning not to care what people think. Who cares if he said she said this! I know its not true. I mean It gets really old when people go around saying someone said this or someone feels this way about you. I'm done with it all! who cares! I don't! All I need to focus on is what God has planned for me and what I need to be doing for Him - Not doing things based on whatever anyone else thinks of you. I'm going to be me no matter what. If you don't like me. Fine. If you do, awesome! Its just a big wad of stress that doesn't need to be added to the to-do-list. I'll wear what I want, be with the people I want to hang out with, talk to the people that talk to me and do my own thing. Its my life after all! Not theirs. They can go worry about themselves. Its really not that big of a deal.

Plus, when we get all caught up in "ohhh he said that" or "OMW SHE SAID THAT???" Things get way out of context. Besides, everyone is worried about themselves anyways. If they talk about you, they obviously don't care about you. Worry about yourself! I guarantee life will be so much better when you don't get caught up on what everyone thinks of you. The only one you should be concerned about is God.

So I encourage you to work on that! I'll be right in the same boat with ya on that one! I have major struggles with that. We can do this right?

Don't care what people think. You know yourself better then them anyways.

History.

Remembering.

You know, I think the most important subject for someone to learn is history. Why? Its just in the past?? Well that is exactly why.

You see learning history is very important because we, as citizens need to take the right of being able to learn from the past. When we decide it doesn’t matter we end up believing everything you hear in the news. I mean you see people now trying to erase our history. Such as God being a huge part in out Country’s victory? How bout the pledges? “Under God” Some think that wasn’t really apart of it. Or now, they are trying to say the Holocaust never happened. Well, if you never learned it then you would go along and believe whatever the government says. Because. you. think. They. do.

Well, NEWS FLASH! They aren’t. In fact plans that they are deciding to make now to make the America “better” are similar to the ones Presidents have used in the past. Well If it was stupid and didn’t work back then it most certainly isn’t going to work now! That is a sign of insanity my friends. And just plain. Ignorant.

It just blows my mind about how many people are willing to believe whatever. You need to know your history. Its important. Because then if You stand for nothing you will fall for anything! Making America corrupt one step at a time....

Too cool...

You know what I hate. ABSOLUTLYY HATE??? When people act like they are too cool for God. They laugh when they should be listening and they go around making a joke out of it. It has to be the most frustrating thing to me! I mean are you really that self conscious to close your eyes and just listen to someone pray?? That is not even anything! That is called common courtesy. Which seems to be lacking recently.

Oh I am sorry, you’re cool. Never mind then. You can just laugh away then. Wow. *rolls eyes* Just FYI you “cool” people. ITS NOT COOL. It's actually sad and really pathetic. If anything, you really are making a fool out of yourself. And ok, you aren’t into the whole praise God thing, which is also ( stupid) ok well what did God ever do to you?? What are we like five? Actually sorry, that’s insult to five year olds. I teach that age and they are more respectful WAYY MORE then you people are. And that just makes you look even more of a loser. So why don’t you put your big pants on and shut up! You aren’t even funny. You are a distraction and annoying.

You are a low, uncool, pathetic, loser! Oh and by the way, it makes you really unattractive when you act too cool for Him. Because just fyi boys, the girls around you are probably hating you at that moment. You then have become a joke and no girl will come to you. I mean if that’s what you want….then by all means keep going.

But seriously. Grow up. And get over your ego ( how you got an ego…is beyond me??) You are lame.

And maybe you think this is all a joke. And you think it’s all stupid. Well, then, I advise some help. You apparently have a hard time with believing the truth. Mental people have that problem. And they are in a mental institution. If that gives you any hint…

Exciting!!!!

OK! So this weekend, so far, has been a lot of fun! Especially because My church (Elevation) is opening their new campus!!!!! :D It's out in Blakeney and the building is pretty nifty, I must say!

Anyways, last night they had an event called The Night of Worship! It was a lot of fun working with the kids! ahhhh the kids :) they are soo cool and AWESOME!

I love working with the kids in Quest! They are so silly, and fun, and it makes you feel so awesome to share bible stories with them! They are so excited to hear them! I love getting up on stage and being goofy and teaching lessons! I mean, you can say anything in a funny accent and they will all laugh really loud! I cant wait to get started tonight for the first service at Blakeney! It's gonna be a blast! And I am praying that God will do something spectacular with the lives of the people who come and even in the little kid's lives!

My church truly is my 2nd home. I love it and I know that it's the church God wants my family to be. In fact, seeing the little kids smile and run to you because they are so excited to see you, is probably one of the best things to see.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for this church, for this city, and for the people who visit!

I truly do hope that people far from God will be filled with life in Christ!

Give me something to laugh about...

I find it hilarious when I have these so called "haters"! I just have to laugh!

First off I would call "haters" People-with-personal-issues. Or insecure. Or bipolar maybe, because just the other day you so called "hater" wasn't a "hater".

Cause in all reality I didn't do anything. And if I did, it's nothing to hate about- you should talk to me about it. Not throw a hissy-fit and hate me. I mean, geez.

You have nothing better to do I suppose. Whatever floats your boat . Whatever makes you feel better. Cause apparently you need that.

hahaha. It really is quite hilarious and sad all at the same time. Guess I am doing something right...

Oh, you are real cool. *rolls eyes*

Oh you talk about me and spread rumors? SHOCKER!

sounds like a personal problem.

Here is a tip: You gain nothing.

So go ahead. Talk about me. I DARE YOU! Watch me not care :) because if anything I'll get a good laugh in.

And there is nothing I like better than laughing :)

Wrong...

I was wrong.

I have this problem with admitting that. I am wrong.

I don’t like to be wrong. Who does?

I have a problem. A big problem.

Something I am trying to work on though. I know I should just let it go and let the other person be right. Cause they are, in fact, right.

I guess I don’t like to make a fool out of myself.

I don’t like to be a joke.

I mean, I like making them, but I don’t like being one.

When I am wrong I feel so stupid and humiliated.

I don’t like to be proven wrong. I want to be right.

I want to be the one everyone agrees with.

But if I can teach you anything, it is this: that will most likely NEVER be the case!

That’s life. And We just have to tough it up and get over it.

I just need to get over it and admit.

But no one likes to admit things. No matter what it is. You feel so pressured and you make yourself into a spectacle when you are feeling pressured into admitting things.

Especially being wrong. Especially when you are called out and corrected.

I hate it cause I feel like I am being condemned

But in my life I will be wrong more than 10 times. I guarantee it.

Yes, I may be right here and there but I need to get over the fact of being wrong and move on. Everyone is wrong at some point; it’s not just you. And it’s not just me

Just swallow your pride.

And admit it.

insecure...

It seems as though every girl is this. Insecure. In fact, even guys are insecure. We just have different insecurities then them. Either way though, we all have them no matter who says they don't.

You could be the shyest person in school or the big ego guy that everyone feels like slapping. Or maybe you are just in between. It doesn't matter. We all go through this phase. It's all part of growing up, I guess.

I was seriously on the verge of tears late last night when everything came at me ALL.AT.ONCE. Needing to seriously vent, one of my good friends was there to listen. It was good I did. It was all bottled up inside and I just needed to let it out. She was there and could tell something was wrong (even over chat) and listened. She even cheered me up! It was awesome and I love her for it! That's what friends are for! To be there for you when you need someone and can help you look past all your deep insecurities. To help you grow and listen. and help you through the road you take in life. When you are misguided they are their to tell you the right way even if it hurts to be truthful.

I honestly don't know what I would do without friends. Probably go in a little dark corner and not speak a word. (ok, ok so maybe that is a bit dramatic haha) but still, I am so glad I had her that night and I am so glad for all my friends for making me laugh and just being their.

They all make me forget the problems I have and all the stupid insecurities.

One Big step...

I was talking to one my closest friends, Bethany, on the phone last night:

Bethany: "Anyways, Is acting what you want to do with your life?"

Me: "Totally! I know it's my calling!"

Bethany: "That's awesome! So, where you gonna go?"

Me:"go where?"

Bethany: "To college? Have you thought about where you want to go?"

I cringed and said "I don't know." and changed the subject.

ugg.

I'm running from it. I'm running from the fact that I have to put on my big girl pants and go out in the world. It's a little uncomfortable for me to talk about where I want to go because I want to scream, "IM NOT READY FOR THIS!" But the truth punched me in the face last night when Bethany and I were unsuccessfully talking about the future. The future. It's scary to most of us because it's the unknown. And like most humans I like to know things.

Going to school and leaving everyone behind and moving forward can sometimes be a difficult thing to grasp and take hold of. Don't get me wrong, there are those days where I say, "HECK YES! WOO!" but then when you think about all the planning, responsibilities, and choices that you have to make on your own, it is well...kind of terrifying.

The problem is, I don't know what I want. I'm still young and I'm not ready to grow up! Yes. acting, is what I want. That's the one thing I know but, everything else is up in the air. I.have.no.earthly.clue. I will never figure that out though, if I don't search, try, and listen. Going to visit collages would be the first big step for me, but still it's something I put in the back of my head or dismiss it.

But, this is life and we all cant be Peter Pan and never grow up. We all have to if we want to do the best in life. It's time I actually think about this and pray about it.

Big Sigh.

One step for me, one big step for the future.

New feeling

I decided. Yes I have decided. Well as you can see I am keeping my blog ( : but thats not the deciding I was talking about. I decided that this year is going to be fun.

This is year is going to be more about how many times i laughed than how many times i had a bad day. NO MORE.

I am going to have fun and hang out with the people that make me laugh! I am going to have a good year. A memorable year! I can feel it! Its a new fresh feeling!

Ahh....the rest of junior year.

here.I.come.

hmm...

So,

This always happens to me. I don't know why but, it just does. I feel like totally ending my blog right now. I mean it's like, I am only ranting and I mean the stuff on here isn't that much worth reading. I don't really have much else to say that I would want to write on my blog. Not inspired, not feeling it, not doing it. So I am deciding. Just letting you people know.

Sigh.

decision, decisions...

Oh Facebook(and the people who are on it)...

It's official-every teenager spends way too much time...on Facebook. Socializing has become more than just small talk. It's called "stalker 101" and no, don't lie-we all do it! But you see, when people put pictures up on Facebook...they obviously want you to see them. DUH! So I am just doing what they want me to do-which is look at their pictures!

butttttt...(of course haha) There are some things on Facebook that annoy the crap out of me.

So allow me to tell you :) haha

1. Those little side things that say "write on their wall" or "do you know this person?": No I don't want to write on their wall and if I did I WOULD! and ok, Facebook what makes you think I know some 40 year old mexican that lives in Canada? How they came up with that is beyond me.haha

2. the thing that says "what's on your mind?": yeah because I am really going to plaster everyone's news feed with my thoughts and feelings. I am beginning to think they want people to stalk you-like that was their goal all along. sneaky Facebook...real sneaky.

3. Facebook chats. You really need, and I mean exceedingly-need to work on your chats: This is where I really think they want you to become stalkers. They are lame on the chats so it makes you have to convert to writing on their wall....where everyone can see. *rolls eyes* So much for a social site.not.

4. Ok...why is there a like button for YOUR status-as in why are you able to like your own status???: That is kind of egoistic. Oh you are so cool-likin your status! WOOHOO. Really? don't flatter yourself. haha. Yeah, facebook good job-making the world a more vain place one like at a time.

5. This isn't Facebook's fault but it's so annoying when people say "new pictures! Comment!!!!!! heart :) :D" : did you really just make that your status? like, your joking right? That is no way to get a compliment! If anything, that makes people not want to do that or compliment your pictures out of pity because they realize how insecure you are! Plus, you really don't need someone complimenting your pictures every single day-the best ones are in person.

6. Again, with the people on facebook, Profile picture comments: "aww so cute! You are gorgeous :) " " EW I hate this picture! I am not pretty at all!!".... : Um...hello? Is there a brain up there?? WHY IS IT YOUR PROFILE PICTURE THEN???? If you don't like it, then you don't put it as your profile picture-the first picture people see. common sense DUH! That is seriously so annoying. I want to be like "ok." or "yeah." and then wish I could see their face when they saw my comment because they were expecting me to say, "aww no! You are so gorgeous!!" haha just say thank you and get over yourself.

7. "It's Facebook official": Why is it that just because you saw it on facebook it makes you think you know everything about it? Didn't your parents teach you to not believe everything that is on the internet? Do you know how many people screw around on that? Heck, everyone is married to their best friend on Facebook! haha. Don't think you know the whole story just because you saw one line or two on Facebook. Again though, it's called Facebook not "Put-everything-I am-thinking-and-talk-about-everything-just-like-it's-my-diary book". So if you don't want everyone knowing about your personal life, don't put it on facebook. It's the basics of stalking.

8. "Full name initial Heart I love him/her" statuses: You are what 13? please-just because you think you are in love with him or her does not mean you have to make it part of your status every single time. I am always caught off guard when I read "I broke my arm :( and I had to get a cast! heart P.R.T!!" (fyi: not a real name ) I am like what the heck?? is that on your cast or something? Did you mean to write R.I.P??? It's crazy! You can say it once,if that, it's still a bit annoying but please keep your hormonal issues to yourself.

9. Your name: "name IHATEMYLIFE last name" : um...what? I am sorry but I don't know anyone with that name! *delete* hahaha and you wonder why....well maybe you should actually put your real name on facebook! what are we 6? and you hate your life? really? really? yeah, ok Mr. Mood Swing. we will see in about a week how you feel about life.

10. Last but not least- you are in 5th grade and it says you were born in "1995": There is a reason for why you are too young to be on Facebook. cough cough-stalker zone-cough cough. We all know your are like 10 so go back to Webkinz.com!! and you can't fool us with the whole " I look young for my age" yeah,that doesn't work.

well there you have it! Those are the things about facebook that can get real annoying. I hope this was at least a tad entertaining to read haha!

ps. I really need a life haha. Im posting about facebook now! WHAT HAVE I COME TO??

My friends are my friends...

My friends mean a lot to me and I value them very much. Which means I can become very protective of them. Which is basically it. Defensive.

I get defensive when I over hear someone talking about one of my friends or if I find out someone is being a total jerk to them. Thats when I get mad and feel like totally hurting the person who did it and I always try and defend my friends because I know I would want them to do the same for me.

I will stick up for them and I will not just pretend like something isn't happening cause that's a crappy friend when you act like someone isn't saying crap about them. Yes, eyes will be on you when you stand up for someone but if you dont then you arent being a friend-you are just "playing cool" and frankly that's far from cool. Friends are friends- there is no in between. You either are their friend or not.

Believe me though, sometimes I wish we could all get along but there comes a time when you must realize that they are your friends and so you need to be a true friend to them no matter how many times they mess up or hurt you. You should be the good friend and stick up for them.

My friends are valuable to me and are so flippin amazing so don't mess with them. Don't waste your time.

Teenager...

Why does(almost) every adult in the whole entire universe assume that every teenager is some little demon who only Goes around causing trouble?

They assume that every teenager is having sex, drinking, and/or doing some sort of drug.They all think we are like that. Craziness.

Labeled without even been given a chance to prove ourselves!

Well guess what?? All of you adults were teenagers too! NEWS FLASH!

It's crazy how they get some kind of messed up theory that every teenager is born intoxicated! Just because you were going around being sneaky with multiple boys does not mean all of us are!

Ok, so maybe now a days ( in this corrupt world we live in) the majority of teenagers being rebellious is quite high but that isn't my point. Haha.

Yes, we all make mistakes but we have our own thoughts and opinions too! Sure, we haven't been in this world as long as you have but, we aren't exactly living under a rock either. We aren't oblivious( though I can't say that for EVERY teenager haha) and yes we know mom and dad know better than us even though sometimes we feel like strangling them...

As you can see, If you have been following my blog, that I have a hard time with being labeled, who doesn't??? I don't think anybody has the right to look down upon us because we are young or because there is some stereo type for teenagers.

I'm not just a teenager. We are much more than that.

When I was little...

Being little…a memory most people wish to go back on. Though we might not remember that much because we were, in-fact, little. Still, it’s a nice thing to think of.

When I was little all I had to worry about was what I was going to play that day; that was the only thing I had to decide. What movie to watch or what video game-simple and fun stuff was all but only my responsibility.

When I was little I only had to pick which kind of drink I wanted with my lunch or what snack to munch on later.

When I was little the only scar was made on your elbow or knee. When I was little…goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

When I was little I didn’t care how I looked or worried about who was really my friend.

When I was little boys were only to chase on the playground and the only guy in my life was my dad.

When I was little I only had to say my prayers before bed; not saying my science notes out loud to myself.

When I was little I only dreamed about today…

No worries. Now I am growing up aren’t I? the Legos and Barbie dolls are stored away and play dress up toys are replaced with a desk with papers and eraser debris sprinkled around. Where my bows are replaced with make up everywhere and a hair dryer. Where my little girl clothes are replaced with boots and flats. Where my no worries are replaced with responsibilities.

Being little seems like such a fairytale…and we all couldn’t wait to grow up…

Better left unsaid...

There are many things I'd like to tell people.

Some really awesome things, some not so nice things, and some just little things.

No matter what it is, I always end up keeping it to myself; all bottled up in my head. Some may say, "Why do you do that?" but I guess I feel like some thing are better left unheard.

Don't get me wrong, there are days I just want to get in their face and say it. but...I don't. It's frustrating and aggravating! You would think I'd be good at telling people how it is or how I really feel but I DON'T. I can see it happening in my head and then I say to my self "No, don't do that. You will just look stupid or cause more drama."

Another reason of why I don't is because, I can't hold a grudge for more than an hour (prob. even less). Yeah. Great. wonderful-woohoo. yeah, no. You may think it is fine and dandy that I am able to do that but, there comes a point where I feel like screaming "NO MORE!" I don't like people running over me like an old carpet that says "welcome".

I always say, "No, you are not doing this again. You are going to stand up for yourself and tell them you can't be their friend!" Like that changes anything. *rolls eyes* I may be all high and mighty then but you wait a good 30 min and I'll say, "It's all good-no biggy." As you can see, I get very annoyed with myself sometimes.

I mean, sometimes I think it's good that I can-I live a more peaceful life but that doesn't mean it doesn't go away-it's all still there inside of me. I do think some things really don't need to be said and some things you do need to keep to yourself because it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. I suppose this is what this blog is for- my feelings and thoughts but I guess what I am trying to say is that I am trying to figure out (and learn) that either things need to be said or if-

they are better left unsaid...

"These are a few of my favorite things!"...

I like chocolate, but not just any chocolate-DARK chocolate

I like fall and the colors the leaves turn....and the fresh air

I like hugs...hugs are always great but not the crappy side ones- a real hug.

I like to laugh....ok I love to laugh....a day without laughter is a day wasted.

I like letters and notes written to me...sometimes I think that's the best way to say things

I like ice cream...it can always put me in a good mood :)

I like movies...so much i want to be in them...action and cute love stories are my fav :)

I like being around people...people i have so much fun with

I like upbeat music and songs with great lyrics

I like to travel...experience is the best way to learn i think

I like to read...i could read all night and never put the book down

I like to act....it's my passion

I like it when people talk to me first...I dont know...it makes me think they really do want to talk to me

I like the warmth of the sun, the feeling you get when your in an awesome mood, a cold soda, a good song, and thinking back to the awesome memories I have.

I like my life...no matter what ups and downs come along :)

The best love story...

This is going to sound crazy but,

I wish Jesus didn’t have to die!

WHAT?!?!?! Gasp!

CHILL. I will explain myself- Of course.

You see I am so thankful and grateful that He did that and I feel so honored and yes i know He rose again but I got to ask myself: Why me? Why did someone SO completely beyond perfect die for me? For us?

I don’t feel worthy enough of that! I mean the Son of God coming down and killing Himself for me! Going through all that horrible pain for us! I wish there was another way so God didn’t have to send His Son to be killed. I know, I know there isn’t another way. I am not crazy. I just don’t feel good enough for that.

Truth? I am not-we aren’t. But He loves us SOOOO FLIPPIN much that He would do that. It was like an everlasting love letter to all of us. God saying we were to die for. Crazy isn’t? it just blows my mind sometimes! Because I am just like “AGGG I don’t deserve this!” Then other times I am so thankful and happy that He did. I want to scream and go crazy!

I just think it is amazing and the best love story anyone could ever tell. THE BEST. It’s a love letter to you and you and you…and me!

And I couldn’t be more honored! No boy could ever out beat this! Not even close!

not everyone likes someone...

“everyone always likes someone.”

Hm. I would have to disagree with that. I don’t like anyone-honest. I know, I know, crazy right? I mean I usually do! But nope! No crushes no….nothing. Depressing? Maybe, but in a way its nice.

The pressure of liking someone at this age is kind of wild-who do you like? Does he or she like you? Why do you like them? Question after question is made when you tell them who you like at that time and even before you tell them there is more pressure- please tell me! I promise to keep it a secret! You love me, so tell me! COME ON PLEASEEEEEEE!!!!

It almost becomes unbearable.

Lucky for me though, all I have to say is “no.” Because truth is…I don’t like anyone! Sometimes it can be a litte boring but other times it is actually kind of nice. Less drama can always put you in a brighter mood!

I mean you could always lie and say “no”, even when you do but…as I said before the truth always comes out. That also means that (sometimes) although your close buddy may keep it a secret for a little while …the truth will be out and your crush will know. AWKWARD.

Anyways, I think it really is possible not to like anyone; whether it is because you’re not worried about it or there is no guy or girl to really like. Fewer choices can keep you from liking someone-(or becoming desperate, but that’s another time, another blog post. haha )

So, false. Not everyone has to be liking someone. Don’t be worried about liking someone or who likes you! Enjoy the single life! You might see life a little differently when you aren't so caught up in the “who-likes-who world” haha!

truth...

In high school you are almost guaranteed drama. It is just the way it works! Why we all cant get along is beyond me! Maybe because it makes school not as boring or maybe we all just haven’t figured out who we are and we all just need to grow up.

ONE (because there are many) of the worst feelings to get is when you find out someone has been lying to you the whole time and you end up looking like the fish who fell for the bate on the fishing hook! Everything they told you is a complete lie no matter how you sliced it. Don’t you just want to hit yourself with something and say “WOW STUPID!” ? I do.

Sometimes I wish I would find out if things were true or not before I just hop onto the naive train. I hate it when I find out someone lies to me. They lost my trust and now I have to question everything they say. That doesn’t sound like a good friendship to me.

Friends have each others back no matter what and are always real with you . Their not a true friend if you only find them lying to you. It’s even worse when they tell you things people are saying about you-and its COMPLETELY not true! All along you feel like crap and your self esteem goes to a low point. Maybe their just trying to not loose you or they just want you to be their friend but when it all comes down to it-the truth comes out. When that happens everything blows up and you possibly loose a friendship.

We all hate being lied to-that’s just a fact, but we can decide who is and who isn’t your true friend. True friends- even the name has the truth in it.

Just an Idea...

High school is a crazy ride and sometimes people would like to see the real legit stuff that happens in it. So I have decided to have a new blogg called "Letters out of high school" they aren't made up and they are from real people who wrote about what they are really feeling. I did not write any of them and if I do I will write "sincerely me" or my name got it? alright! :)

Give me faith...

Has God ever told you something that is all-around hard to grasp?

You know the kind that you even almost question to yourself because you think you are going a little too crazy? The kind that you think “Wow I am not even 50 yet and I am already loosing my mind!”?

Yeah. Those.

That’s pretty much what I have been thinking these past few months. God told me something and at first I wasn’t even sure if it was Him or some crazy messed up dream! But these past few months its like God has been YELLING AT ME to get me to believe and understand what He is telling me.

Everywhere I go It comes to my head-it comes back or its answered when I ask “Is it true?” Even when I read the bible it is answered for me. At first I thought “Nah…Ill let it be.” But then after verses and dreams and even my friends saying things it makes me go “Um. Ok God what are you trying to tell me?” I found that there was no escaping it.

All I can do is sit back in pure awe and think of why God could possibly be telling me this. I mean I literally sound crazy to myself when I say it out loud but I mean it is God and He can do anything beyond all measures so It shouldn’t be that hard to think God would be telling me this.

Why would He be telling me this? Why now? What good is it to know something that isn’t happening anytime soon? Why? WHY? WHY? Is all I can ask myself. It’s the thing that keeps me up at night.

And to be honest, I am bit scared. ACTUALLY I am terrified. But I think God is trying to teach me something or keep me from doing something. Its where He is telling me to have faith in Him and know that He has it all taken care for me. I need to have an audacious faith. Give.Me.Faith.

Pressure...

Peer Pressure.

It hits the top lists of things to expect when you are in High school. Peer Pressure. In fact it even happens before and after High school. It is just well known in those precious 4 years of your life.

It’s always the same thing; People, friends, someone, pressures you into something you are not sure about. Something you don’t exactly want to do. And you feel that if you don’t, you will be labeled or maybe they won’t talk to you anymore. Different scenarios-same concept.

We all fall into it at some point. In fact we don’t even realize it till after we had made the choice to listen to our “friends”. We have all been the peer pressure. Regret it? I do. Because we all know we don’t like the pressure.

I don’t get it. Why do we do it? Why do they do it?

Relationships seem to have the most peer pressure. Everyone pressures you to do something or date them.

Boys are always giving the guy a hard time; pressuring him to kiss her or hold her hand. Its annoying. It ruins things because its annoying. We either fall into it or we end it all because we feel pressured and cant handle people making fun of you.

Last time I checked you and her are the relationship; not them. Most likely their just jealous because they don’t have what you have. The relationship should only involve you 2 and no one else en less you ASK for their advice.

Peer pressure is like a math test; you either get it wrong or you get it right. They are all waiting for you to mess up or fall into it.

Will you or will you not?

Does she matter? Or does she not?

Do they care about you? Or do they not?

Pressure. And its all in your hands.

What am I doing wrong...

I don’t understand why I have to be the one who has to just suck up my feelings and get over it.

I don’t understand why I constantly let people push me around and let them say things.

I don’t understand why I cant stand up for myself.

Sigh. This is frustrating. I always let people do whatever to me; I’m the follower and not a leader.

For once I’d like to have one good true friend. I know everyone makes mistakes but I’ve noticed as I look back to my life, that I have never been able to keep a friend. What am I doing wrong? Why am I always getting betrayed or stabbed in the back? For once I’d like someone to back me up! Not one year my best friend and the next year not.

I always seem to be the rebound girl. Ya know, the one they come to when there in a fight with their buddy or if there is nobody better to hang around with? Or I am just their for laughs? Yeah. Well it sucks. And to be honest I am getting pretty sick of it. I need to find my true friends. The ones that really want to hang around me or want to be my friend. Not someone who just wants to find out stuff or just hang out with cause they know I will be nice to them.

Just.One.Good.Friend. What am I really doing wrong?? What is wrong with me? Why don’t people want to stay my friend? Ok so, I’m no model and I don’t learn chemistry fast. I make mistakes and I laugh a lot. So what? I really am tired of being ditched or being ignored.

I always ask God for strength and wisdom to help me with this. Its part of high school . I know, I know but still, it stings a little.

Story of my life!

assume...

One of the most frustrating things to happen to me is to be accused for something you never did.

You did this or you said that.

All of it is….false accusations.

You can’t assume things about people or assume they do this just because people say that they did.

I always get accused or people assume things. Like people assume I like someone just because I did this or they THINK I do. It’s absolutely annoying and I highly dislike it. I would rather people ask me personally then go off and tell someone that. Then everyone thinks it’s true and they all label me. And it ruins a great friendship.

No. they don’t ask me

No. they don’t bother to think “Hey, maybe that is just a rumor.”

No…they just assume and accuse.

Or when they think I’m flirty? Oh please you should know that I laugh at EVERYTHING. Legit. I love to laugh and I think tons of things are funny. So if I laugh at something it’s because I really do think it’s funny. Its not that hard to wrap your head around.

People think I am lying when I get accused of stuff because I become so defensive. But that is not the case at all; I just want to get the point across and for people to stop whispering about me. I want to get the chance to explain myself.

Why does everything in high school have to be such a big deal? Why does there have to be drama?

“because life isn’t fair”

It’s what I always get told when I ask these questions and it sucks. Completely sucks, because I really do care too much of what people think of me. I need to stop. I really, really need to quit it.

This always seems to be the biggest problem for me and it might just be because I am a teenager. But I am not just a teenager. I am girl. A human being who is trying to juggle God, school, family, friends, and a life all at the same time. Its hard. Things get to me to me easily. Sometimes I become hard and harsh and make it seem like I hate every boy on the face of the planet. But maybe that’s because I don’t want people to assume or accuse me of things that are totally not true. But I have to learn that this will never cease. What will cease is my crazy ,whack hormones that are causing me to care too much.

Don’t care what others think. What makes you assume their opinion matters?

My pet peeves...

So considering that this is my blog I thought it would be a good a idea to blog about my pet peeves.

*I suggest you take notes ;)*

1. When people say “k”

2. when people interrupt me.

3. that slurping sound that people make when they swallow their drink

4. when people lie to me

5. the screeching sound when the fork hits the plate

6. when people run off and leave me

7. when people see me cry

8. when people tell me how hot my sister is (yes she is gorgeous but you are a pervert)

9. when people make obnoxious noises with there lips

10.when guys make that weird grunting breathing sound

11. when people assume.

12. when people put their fingers in their mouth

13. when people bash on other churches( we are all going for the same thing there is no competition)

14. when people pick at their toes (EW!)

15. when people randomly ignore you

16. when people believe rumors about me.

17. when people call me perfect.

18. when people call me stupid ( or blonde)

19. taking a sip of my drink without asking

20. calling me a cougar (and not joking)

21. people who cant keep secrets.

22. when people ask me questions as if there were investigating me

That is all I can think of right now. I know you are probably like wow Madison . But I am sure you have many, and if you look on the list you might find that most people don’t like that stuff. These things annoy me or gross me out. They are…things…you shouldn’t do around me. Or at least …try haha

wow...

This is so stupid.

When will people learn to grow up?

When will people learn to not making everything a big deal?

When will people get a life?

When will people stop spreading rumors?

When will someone actually be your friend?

When will someone actually stick up for you?

Never.

All the those things will never change because sadly some people never grow up.

I hate it when people twist your words and try to make you look like the bad guy. Or when they try to make you feel sorry for them even when you didn’t do anything.

I HATE it when people get all sarcastic and say “Oh your so perfect aren’t you?”

No. I am not perfect. Not even close. But I am clearly more mature than you. Saying that just makes you sound ignorant.

It makes me laugh sometimes when they just go off on some little tantrum like some little girl who didn’t get to have a piece of candy. I’m like wow…are you for real? It’s such a joke. I swear some people are on crack.

Some people like to stir up drama because they have empty squalid lives.

OBVIOSULY.

Reality is though it’s NO BIG DEAL! I mean come on is this really something to get upset about? Its annoying and tiring and stupid.

It’s why I’m not letting those kind of people in my life. I don’t need obtuse middle school drama or boys acting like little girls on a playground. I guess to some people that might be the definition of a friend. To me though-it’s the opposite.

One big game...

Want to here something ironic?

Well if you take the 7, 0, Ace, and 3 of hearts and flip them you get the word - LOVE.

So cards that are used for games and gambling can spell out the word love?

I know. It’s sketchy.

When I saw this little trick I had to laugh because it is so true. Love is just a game to everyone. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy chases girl, once boy catches girl he goes and finds another thing to chase. Or in this day in age, vise-versa. Girls are pursuing way too many boys nowadays. Idiots.

It’s funny how people say not to say “hate” because it is a strong word yet its ok to throw in an “I love you” just for kicks. Who actually means it? No one.

It was a game in elementary.

It is a game in highs school.

It will be a game in College.

Love is a strong word-at least it was suppose to be. Now we have short cuts like “love ya” or “ily” which I find stupid.

Remember when we use to chase the boys around the playground? Well now in high school its just that-a game just for fun. Fun.

I just want to know why people take the risk and gamble with their heart to just have fun. I want to know why everyone risks getting deceases just to have “fun” (sex). I want to know what’s so great about emotional baggage?

Is it all worth it? Is it all worth the disappointment?

When you decide to play the LOVE game you are gambling your heart and we all know how that turns out…