What am I doing wrong...

I don’t understand why I have to be the one who has to just suck up my feelings and get over it.

I don’t understand why I constantly let people push me around and let them say things.

I don’t understand why I cant stand up for myself.

Sigh. This is frustrating. I always let people do whatever to me; I’m the follower and not a leader.

For once I’d like to have one good true friend. I know everyone makes mistakes but I’ve noticed as I look back to my life, that I have never been able to keep a friend. What am I doing wrong? Why am I always getting betrayed or stabbed in the back? For once I’d like someone to back me up! Not one year my best friend and the next year not.

I always seem to be the rebound girl. Ya know, the one they come to when there in a fight with their buddy or if there is nobody better to hang around with? Or I am just their for laughs? Yeah. Well it sucks. And to be honest I am getting pretty sick of it. I need to find my true friends. The ones that really want to hang around me or want to be my friend. Not someone who just wants to find out stuff or just hang out with cause they know I will be nice to them.

Just.One.Good.Friend. What am I really doing wrong?? What is wrong with me? Why don’t people want to stay my friend? Ok so, I’m no model and I don’t learn chemistry fast. I make mistakes and I laugh a lot. So what? I really am tired of being ditched or being ignored.

I always ask God for strength and wisdom to help me with this. Its part of high school . I know, I know but still, it stings a little.

Story of my life!