Give me faith...

Has God ever told you something that is all-around hard to grasp?

You know the kind that you even almost question to yourself because you think you are going a little too crazy? The kind that you think “Wow I am not even 50 yet and I am already loosing my mind!”?

Yeah. Those.

That’s pretty much what I have been thinking these past few months. God told me something and at first I wasn’t even sure if it was Him or some crazy messed up dream! But these past few months its like God has been YELLING AT ME to get me to believe and understand what He is telling me.

Everywhere I go It comes to my head-it comes back or its answered when I ask “Is it true?” Even when I read the bible it is answered for me. At first I thought “Nah…Ill let it be.” But then after verses and dreams and even my friends saying things it makes me go “Um. Ok God what are you trying to tell me?” I found that there was no escaping it.

All I can do is sit back in pure awe and think of why God could possibly be telling me this. I mean I literally sound crazy to myself when I say it out loud but I mean it is God and He can do anything beyond all measures so It shouldn’t be that hard to think God would be telling me this.

Why would He be telling me this? Why now? What good is it to know something that isn’t happening anytime soon? Why? WHY? WHY? Is all I can ask myself. It’s the thing that keeps me up at night.

And to be honest, I am bit scared. ACTUALLY I am terrified. But I think God is trying to teach me something or keep me from doing something. Its where He is telling me to have faith in Him and know that He has it all taken care for me. I need to have an audacious faith. Give.Me.Faith.

Pressure...

Peer Pressure.

It hits the top lists of things to expect when you are in High school. Peer Pressure. In fact it even happens before and after High school. It is just well known in those precious 4 years of your life.

It’s always the same thing; People, friends, someone, pressures you into something you are not sure about. Something you don’t exactly want to do. And you feel that if you don’t, you will be labeled or maybe they won’t talk to you anymore. Different scenarios-same concept.

We all fall into it at some point. In fact we don’t even realize it till after we had made the choice to listen to our “friends”. We have all been the peer pressure. Regret it? I do. Because we all know we don’t like the pressure.

I don’t get it. Why do we do it? Why do they do it?

Relationships seem to have the most peer pressure. Everyone pressures you to do something or date them.

Boys are always giving the guy a hard time; pressuring him to kiss her or hold her hand. Its annoying. It ruins things because its annoying. We either fall into it or we end it all because we feel pressured and cant handle people making fun of you.

Last time I checked you and her are the relationship; not them. Most likely their just jealous because they don’t have what you have. The relationship should only involve you 2 and no one else en less you ASK for their advice.

Peer pressure is like a math test; you either get it wrong or you get it right. They are all waiting for you to mess up or fall into it.

Will you or will you not?

Does she matter? Or does she not?

Do they care about you? Or do they not?

Pressure. And its all in your hands.

What am I doing wrong...

I don’t understand why I have to be the one who has to just suck up my feelings and get over it.

I don’t understand why I constantly let people push me around and let them say things.

I don’t understand why I cant stand up for myself.

Sigh. This is frustrating. I always let people do whatever to me; I’m the follower and not a leader.

For once I’d like to have one good true friend. I know everyone makes mistakes but I’ve noticed as I look back to my life, that I have never been able to keep a friend. What am I doing wrong? Why am I always getting betrayed or stabbed in the back? For once I’d like someone to back me up! Not one year my best friend and the next year not.

I always seem to be the rebound girl. Ya know, the one they come to when there in a fight with their buddy or if there is nobody better to hang around with? Or I am just their for laughs? Yeah. Well it sucks. And to be honest I am getting pretty sick of it. I need to find my true friends. The ones that really want to hang around me or want to be my friend. Not someone who just wants to find out stuff or just hang out with cause they know I will be nice to them.

Just.One.Good.Friend. What am I really doing wrong?? What is wrong with me? Why don’t people want to stay my friend? Ok so, I’m no model and I don’t learn chemistry fast. I make mistakes and I laugh a lot. So what? I really am tired of being ditched or being ignored.

I always ask God for strength and wisdom to help me with this. Its part of high school . I know, I know but still, it stings a little.

Story of my life!

assume...

One of the most frustrating things to happen to me is to be accused for something you never did.

You did this or you said that.

All of it is….false accusations.

You can’t assume things about people or assume they do this just because people say that they did.

I always get accused or people assume things. Like people assume I like someone just because I did this or they THINK I do. It’s absolutely annoying and I highly dislike it. I would rather people ask me personally then go off and tell someone that. Then everyone thinks it’s true and they all label me. And it ruins a great friendship.

No. they don’t ask me

No. they don’t bother to think “Hey, maybe that is just a rumor.”

No…they just assume and accuse.

Or when they think I’m flirty? Oh please you should know that I laugh at EVERYTHING. Legit. I love to laugh and I think tons of things are funny. So if I laugh at something it’s because I really do think it’s funny. Its not that hard to wrap your head around.

People think I am lying when I get accused of stuff because I become so defensive. But that is not the case at all; I just want to get the point across and for people to stop whispering about me. I want to get the chance to explain myself.

Why does everything in high school have to be such a big deal? Why does there have to be drama?

“because life isn’t fair”

It’s what I always get told when I ask these questions and it sucks. Completely sucks, because I really do care too much of what people think of me. I need to stop. I really, really need to quit it.

This always seems to be the biggest problem for me and it might just be because I am a teenager. But I am not just a teenager. I am girl. A human being who is trying to juggle God, school, family, friends, and a life all at the same time. Its hard. Things get to me to me easily. Sometimes I become hard and harsh and make it seem like I hate every boy on the face of the planet. But maybe that’s because I don’t want people to assume or accuse me of things that are totally not true. But I have to learn that this will never cease. What will cease is my crazy ,whack hormones that are causing me to care too much.

Don’t care what others think. What makes you assume their opinion matters?

My pet peeves...

So considering that this is my blog I thought it would be a good a idea to blog about my pet peeves.

*I suggest you take notes ;)*

1. When people say “k”

2. when people interrupt me.

3. that slurping sound that people make when they swallow their drink

4. when people lie to me

5. the screeching sound when the fork hits the plate

6. when people run off and leave me

7. when people see me cry

8. when people tell me how hot my sister is (yes she is gorgeous but you are a pervert)

9. when people make obnoxious noises with there lips

10.when guys make that weird grunting breathing sound

11. when people assume.

12. when people put their fingers in their mouth

13. when people bash on other churches( we are all going for the same thing there is no competition)

14. when people pick at their toes (EW!)

15. when people randomly ignore you

16. when people believe rumors about me.

17. when people call me perfect.

18. when people call me stupid ( or blonde)

19. taking a sip of my drink without asking

20. calling me a cougar (and not joking)

21. people who cant keep secrets.

22. when people ask me questions as if there were investigating me

That is all I can think of right now. I know you are probably like wow Madison . But I am sure you have many, and if you look on the list you might find that most people don’t like that stuff. These things annoy me or gross me out. They are…things…you shouldn’t do around me. Or at least …try haha

wow...

This is so stupid.

When will people learn to grow up?

When will people learn to not making everything a big deal?

When will people get a life?

When will people stop spreading rumors?

When will someone actually be your friend?

When will someone actually stick up for you?

Never.

All the those things will never change because sadly some people never grow up.

I hate it when people twist your words and try to make you look like the bad guy. Or when they try to make you feel sorry for them even when you didn’t do anything.

I HATE it when people get all sarcastic and say “Oh your so perfect aren’t you?”

No. I am not perfect. Not even close. But I am clearly more mature than you. Saying that just makes you sound ignorant.

It makes me laugh sometimes when they just go off on some little tantrum like some little girl who didn’t get to have a piece of candy. I’m like wow…are you for real? It’s such a joke. I swear some people are on crack.

Some people like to stir up drama because they have empty squalid lives.

OBVIOSULY.

Reality is though it’s NO BIG DEAL! I mean come on is this really something to get upset about? Its annoying and tiring and stupid.

It’s why I’m not letting those kind of people in my life. I don’t need obtuse middle school drama or boys acting like little girls on a playground. I guess to some people that might be the definition of a friend. To me though-it’s the opposite.

One big game...

Want to here something ironic?

Well if you take the 7, 0, Ace, and 3 of hearts and flip them you get the word - LOVE.

So cards that are used for games and gambling can spell out the word love?

I know. It’s sketchy.

When I saw this little trick I had to laugh because it is so true. Love is just a game to everyone. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy chases girl, once boy catches girl he goes and finds another thing to chase. Or in this day in age, vise-versa. Girls are pursuing way too many boys nowadays. Idiots.

It’s funny how people say not to say “hate” because it is a strong word yet its ok to throw in an “I love you” just for kicks. Who actually means it? No one.

It was a game in elementary.

It is a game in highs school.

It will be a game in College.

Love is a strong word-at least it was suppose to be. Now we have short cuts like “love ya” or “ily” which I find stupid.

Remember when we use to chase the boys around the playground? Well now in high school its just that-a game just for fun. Fun.

I just want to know why people take the risk and gamble with their heart to just have fun. I want to know why everyone risks getting deceases just to have “fun” (sex). I want to know what’s so great about emotional baggage?

Is it all worth it? Is it all worth the disappointment?

When you decide to play the LOVE game you are gambling your heart and we all know how that turns out…

So I am writing a book (in case you didn't know)...

So I am writing a book and when I started out I thought:
“Ok I’ll just write a bit and then I will get tired of it and move on to something else”

Because that is what I always do but of course this time it doesn’t happen. I first asked one of my friends if the story sounded interesting to her and if I should even write it. She said yes and that I have to and that she would have to read it so I went along with that and started writing the first chapter…

Little did I know that after showing it to one of my other friends, that she would become obsessed and beg me to write the next chapter! It’s exciting and it makes me feel really confident with my writing when someone obsesses over it like a Twilight crazed fan but I never thought EVERYONE would find out about it. It was suppose to be just a little story I kept to myself.

So as a writer I feel like there is tons of pressure on me; I want my story to be good and for people to like it. I want the chapters to flow well and make sense. I want it to be a page turner. Now I know books take years to write so, so far this is only a rough draft. It is just a lot to take in sometimes. I know it might not seem like a lot to you but for me-it is. Though, It is nice to know a couple people like it so far :) it motivates me to write more!

I have always loved to write-words just came to me but now I think I have a new found passion for it! Let’s see where this will take me! I can’t wait!

worried about worrying...

Is it possible to worry about worrying?

if it's not then I think I am the one to start it because that's exactly what I am doing.

worrying.

worrying too much.

Worried about..

school; wondering if I will make the right grades and get into a good college

Acting....will I ever make it far? will I be able to have a good influence and impact on little girls?

friends...are they keeping my secrets? should I tell them this or should I keep it to myself?

boys...please don't get me started on that. again.

or even marrige... will I actually marry? PLEASE GOD! I don't want to die an old maid! or some crazy cat lady! (ok so maybe I am a bit dramatic but-I'm serious. Im not going down the "Cat lady" rode!)

I worry what others think and I know I shouldn't.I have been pretty good at acting like they can't get to me but sometimes I slip.

I worry about what I look like and compare me to my sister or to others. What size do I wear? What size do they wear?

I worry about who is living and if I will ever get to see them again. What is the last thing I said to them? was it the right thing to say?

Who am I hurting? Who is hurting me?

and sometimes it ALL comes at me at once...and that my friend are days that I am not a pretty sight. But then it clicks to me; WHY AM I WORRYING SO MUCH? I don't need to be!

I should be wise and careful about the decisions I make but I know Someone bigger and Someone better is taking care of it for me!

Though it's hard for me to rap my head around sometimes and sometimes I'm just like "yeah.right." But eventually I realize that what I am doing is totally pointless and ridiculous and insulting!

It really is stupid.

sigh.

Big sigh.

worried=pointless

and there is no need to be doing something pointless is there?

would you do me the honors of courting me my dear...

Ok so I’m pretty sure everyone knows my love for the 1800’s!

AHHH….

Back then seemed so much simpler

My friend Chloe and I were even talking about it today!

“You know you get to wear pretty dresses all the time and the men never cheated on you. And you know…if they did they would get shot!”

She made me laugh but what she meant was kind of true.

I mean now you look at our century and it’s view on love:

Sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Pregnant? Opps.

That practically defines our day in age. Which is kind of disappointing.

Back then they courted women…

WHICH I FIND SO AMAZINGLY ADORABLE! :)

Some may say it’s the same as dating but come on…it was much cuter and polite back then. Now a days it’s lets go to the movies and make out.

Courting someone meant they got to know each other and find out if they were the right wife or husband. And they kept sex out of it till marriages. (well the majority)

I think we should redefine dating. I know not everyone is perfect and I don’t expect everyone to do that. But for me I basically want someone to court me not date me. Dating is overrated.

And yes, I suppose you will read this and think wow Madi you are ridiculous but hey..

Call me old fashioned.

sounds like High School...

“It’s not that I am mad at her for liking him, I’m just disappointed that she didn’t tell me.”

Sounds like high school.

I agree with my friend-I would TOTALLY be disappointed too if one of my good friends decides to be deceptive and hide things from me just because she thinks I’m going to be mad. Its stupid really. A boy should never become in between your friendships.

Or I got a better one: “ I think she is the one.”

Sounds like high school.

Ok really? The “one”. You have got to be kidding me! You have told me every single one of your girlfriends (which is many) is the “one”. Its time to get off cloud nine bud and take hold on to REALITY.

Or…this will give you a good laugh :

“ Let’s be best friends again- oh PHYCH I’m only going to talk to you online…if that’s ok.”

HA! defiantly sounds like high school.

NO.IT.IS.NOT.OK. are you insane? There is no logic to “internet buddies”. Your either friends with me and you can talk to my FACE or you can drop it and ill pretend you don’t exist…if that’s ok. Ha-ha

Or “ They just ditch me like I’m nothing to them anymore.”

Oh that is a bit of middle school. But yes it does sound like high school

Ok?? I guess I’ll talk to you later? What the heck? I thought we were friends? Oh gosh doesn’t that happen to all of us? It’s really no fun and I have been through my fair share of those scenarios but I just try to remember that friends will never leave you if they are really your friends. Though trust me-ITS HARD! It is time we re-define friend. Don’t you think?

Or the one I hear every so often, “boys officially suck!”

Oh that is should be a quote coming from the book called HIGH SCHOOL

STORY OF MY LIFE! Funny how the most immature and perverted thing in the world is what we want. Even when they say the stupidest things and make you cry and sometime you would think life would be better without them. Its probably true that life would be better. But you and I both know it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.

And just to throw this number in “girls are so complicated!”

Ha that’s high school for ya darlin

Ok maybe we are just a little bit. But think about it…if we weren’t complicated we would be easy. Last time I checked being easy wasn’t exactly something I strived for. So a complication would be good for a boy. Helps them grow up. So in a way we are helpful. So yes we are complicated. Get over it.

HighSchool…what are we going to do about it?

Though ill give it this:

It never fails to surprise me. Who knows what’s next.

something that lasts...

"If nothing lasts forever...will you be my nothing?"

Every girl "awed" and "became fans" of that quote. Even I made it my status once...

Its cute and clever-I'll give it that..

But the more I thought about it and the more I looked at it, I realized that was totally not anything I wanted to have!

nothing.

Who wants to be someone's nothing? NOT ME! I want to be someone's SOMETHING. Their last something. Something that they hold onto for all the days of their life.

A girlfriend is not nothing.

A wife is NOT nothing.

A friend is not nothing.

All those things that are important to us and are not just...nothing...these are SOMETHINGS!

I want to be his something that lasts

because if you think about it...being his nothing doesnt even last in time. Nothing cant last forever! But something can last!

And if you had a boyfriend I HIGHLY doubt you would call him nothing infact he would probably be more than just something to you! And when you think about your future husband?

"yeah...that's nothing!" If you told me that I'd think you were crazy( and slightly mental) !!

So what I am trying to say is that i would have to disagree with the quote because its like giving up! You are saying you will be satisfied with nothing!

Well I am not backing down! I want to find my something that lasts...

can I get that NOT in writing please?

We girls have seen it all…

“you are cute”

“I like everything about you!”

“yeah but you are gorgeous!”

“babe!”

“hun!”

“I think you’re beautiful J”

“I think its kinda sexy : )”

and the most heartbreaking?

“I love you”

Boys say it all the time…that is in a text message!

And sometimes I ask myself why do they do this if they cant even talk to me in person?

Think about it. Boys would be so amazing if they ACTUALLY act the same in person as they do over text!

I mean if you really liked the girl you would have the guts to even say "hi" in person or maybe a slight smile..? Ignoring her or pretending she doesn’t exist is not exactly the key to winning her heart!

So what do we do about it? I mean I’m a strong believer for guys pursuing girls so don’t you dare be the one making the calls. Let him sweat it out.

Now I don’t think we should be playing hard to get because when you play games with your heart no one wins, but you shouldn’t exactly make it easy for him either.

Me? well I don’t believe a word they say unless they decide to man up and actually tell me in person what they think because a guy can be anything over text but you learn what they really are in person…

Because your dating the guy not the text messages!

Quit blaming our attitudes on pms...

Ok so I don’t know about you but its like at our school, all the boys decide that if we aren’t “in the best mood” aka FLIRTY that we are on our periods.

WHAT THE HECK??

I wonder if they have ever just thought for a moment that maybe we don’t want to be hanging all over you MAYBE just maybe we are grossed out by you and want nothing to do with you.

The nerve they have to even say that!

Its so annoying and somewhat insulting! Its like why don’t you try going through what we go through and see if you would be in a good mood!

Half the time they are wrong though, its just they are so immature and perverted and well sometimes I ask myself..

Will they ever grow up…???

Well atleast this year boys wont be my concern this year. Sure ill want to possibly murder them or stab them..or something like that haha but I wont be anywhere attracted to them…atleast these ones….

oh goodness…

This shall be an interesting year…enjoy the ride! Its gonna be a long one!!!